ROSSGOROUND

Starbucks groovin'

2010-09-22T05:50:00.000-07:00

Where the hell am I???

2009-09-07T11:47:00.001-07:00

Hello cruel world. By the time you read this, I am probably dead. haha.. just kidding....I'm at Starbucks. That was just a silly suicide joke. Those are the best.

So a lot of people have been emailing me and asking where the hell I've gone round too...

Dear Rossgoround?

You left us hanging with your last post... Where are you??? Are you at the Great Wall of China? Did you volunteer to help orphaned Gazelles find adoptive Mommy and Daddy Gazelles in Kenya? Can't wait to find out.

Suzie Yermand,

Alpo, Texas

Dear Suzie.

If you go to Google Maps. Then enter the key words "My brother's Couch." That is where you will find me. Back in NYC. For the month. I haven't had a chance to post pictures yet from Scotland because I was being a lazy. But here they are. The sea kayaking trip was incredible. The group of people I met were so amazing and so fun, that it was sad to leave them. The final night I was passed out on a wood floor of a cabin in the middle of nowhere Scotland after having done several shots of Scotch and kayaked through what I think was a Hurricane. All I remember was falling asleep to a group of people singing "New York, New York." But it was heaven. The weather was not heaven. The weather could go Fuck itself to be honest. We had rain followed by more rain, and then like when your peeing after a long night of drinking and you think you got it all out...but then you pee some more. That's what the clouds were like. The Scottish clouds were drunk and broke their seal and just kept peeing all over me. There's no more perfect description. Although it was annoying, the grey weather fit the landscape and when the sun did burst through the clouds...it only lasted a few seconds, but it felt unreal. Similar to how girls describe sex with me :) Jk. I'm a champion.

So without further delay, I present to you Sea Kayaking in Scotland....

and stay tuned because I'll be posting more this week and more adventures are on their way as soon as I refill this thing called my bank account. Donations will be accepted. None of which will go to help orphaned gazelles. Those things just get eaten in a week anyway.

here was the first beach we kayaked to...

after we had to go ashore because of the Hurricane weather, we found this spot to set sail again...

Me with Jen and Garreth...two very very funny people...

Above is one of the guides who's name was Ross as well. Ross is a very popular name in Scotland. Ross was awesome. I was jealous of his beard.

And as you can see below, I was thrilled to See that Scotland, unlike Paris allows their gay animals to rome free....

http://rossgoround.blogspot.com/2009/06/gay-rights.html

Heaven is playing Scrabble with that as your background...

Me working on my tan

Inside our teepee cooking...

Who's that burly man making a fire?? Oh, right...that's me ladies...

if you look closely, you can see me there reading...i can't ever remember being so relaxed

Knock Knock.

Whos There?

Ross's.

Moving on....

2009-08-19T08:06:00.001-07:00

I've been camped out in Paris these past couple days doing some personal projects. After a bunch of research I finally planned my next adventure. I wont tell you what it is, but I'll let you guess by helping you with a few clues... it involves a kayak, a sea and a bunch of Islands off the West coast of Scotland called the Summer Isles. Give up? Ok, I'm going sea kayaking in the Summer Isles of the West Coast of Scotland. It's six nights of kayaking like 8 hours a day from Island to Island and then camping out. I can't wait. Apparently you are guaranteed to kayak next to whales and dolphins so I'm very excited but also a bit nervous. This is what I hope my pictures look like. So tune in tomorrow for a final post before I am internet free for a whole week...

Traveling

2009-08-17T03:35:00.000-07:00

This post really has nothing to do with around the world travelling but the travelling violation in the sport of Basketball. I was in a bookstore in Paris and asked if there was an english section. There was, but it only contained about six books. Luckily for me there was one called Basketball, by James Naismith, the inventor of the game. Inside it had listed all the original rules and regulations. What i found hilarious was that the game was invented in 1891, but Profanity wasn't considered a violation until 1906. I went digging in the archives online and was luckily able to find some video footage from some of these earlier games. Here's a clip.

General Showoff

2009-08-13T05:46:00.000-07:00

I'm back in Paris for a few days just saying hi to a friend. I had a few minutes to kill so i poked my head inside a free military museum. I couldn't believe this cocky guy...
"Hey everyone look at me!! I have the most medals ever out of any War General in the history of War!! This one is for leading my troops into the Battle of Luxemborg. This one is for when I fought along side Napolean. And the third one from the right is my Merit Badge for Knot Tying. "

Hello my name is....

2009-08-12T14:27:00.000-07:00

I was out with my friend from Croatia one night looking at her phone. Her cell had soo many names in it that I was convinced she didn't know who all of them were. I was scrolling through quizzing her, and then I came upon this entry. This graphic is a reproduction of what I actually saw.

"You have Jizz on your phone." I joked... Which would have gotten a laugh in America. "Yeah, that's my best friend Jisabella. But we just call her Jizz. " "Seriously? Is she a porn star?" "NO! Why?" "Do you know what jizz means in America?" "No." (insert me acting here) "oh...OH...Ewwwww." We both started dying laughing.

We met up with some of her friends later that night. I pictured her being like "This is my friend Semantha, but we just call her Semen. And this is Sploogella. But we just call her..."

you get the idea..

Sorry for the childish humor, but I thought it was classic. Here's a more mature bit for you. This truck was parked outside of the supermarket in Vienna early one morning...

Nothing like a fresh delivery of Titz to start your day off right.

My Mis-Steak and a Post Correction

2009-08-08T12:41:00.001-07:00

I was out to dinner with this Croatian friend and we both ordered the steak. When the meal arrived, both filets were served on a combined single platter over a bed of vegetables for us to split. Without hesitation she said "I get the better one." Slightly annoyed, and knowing I was paying the bill, I asked "Why do you get the better one?" "Because I asked for it." she said. In my head I thought, I didn't remember having the option, obviously I would have asked for the better one too. "You wanted the one with more red." She reminded me. I quickly realized she meant 'well done', not 'better', and like a true gentleman I replied " Oh, right. You take the better one. I insist."

Correction:

I stated in a previous post that my friends from Boston only like to get drunk and watch the Celtics. That was extremely rude of me and after receiving several complaints from my Boston friends they would like me to clarify that they are more than just one dimensional people that get drunk and watch the Celtics. They also like to get drunk and watch the Pats and the Sox.

Thank you.

Also, I think it's hilarious that I have a number of new foreign friends who just read that and are most likely not familiar with American sports references. In my mind I had what might be their mental image of people from Boston getting drunk and just looking at socks.

Here's a wild Friday night out in Boston...

Some of my designs in Croatia

2009-08-07T02:26:00.000-07:00

I spotted this kid wearing one of my t shirt designs in Croatia. I must have made this 5 years ago. I actually saw two people in the same day which was very cool as an artists to see consumers choosing your work. Luckily he didn't speak english. Otherwise if I'd asked him where he purchased the shirt from he might have been like "You mean this crappy thing? Ah, they were giving them away for free at Footlocker with the purchase of a pair of socks."

The other person I saw wearing one of my shirt graphics was a little kid. Sometimes I get too excited when I see people wearing my designs and run up to them and want to take their pictures. In a foreign country I shouldn't be getting excited, running up to little kids and taking their photos. I'm pretty sure you can go to jail for that.

IT'S PICTURE TIME!!!

2009-08-06T02:58:00.001-07:00

I never really posted too many pictures about my three weeks in Croatia, I only more or less made fun of their language and their lack of diversity. Croatia was beautiful (except for the stray cats EVERYWHERE), and I made some amazing friends. So here are some pics of Croatia, and some kittens because everyone loves kittens!! Except me. I hate them.

me filling my belly for the long 14 hour train ride with 5 connections...fun.

Here's my boy Sanjay throwing back Heiny's on the train like it's his job. He and his wife invited me to Sri Lanka anytime I want. No Joke.

finally arriving in Zagreb at 4 am....

My Foot.

"Hey, any of you guys seen Ross's last piggy?"

"I think he went to the market"

"No man...I'm pretty sure he ran allllllll the way home."

Rooftops of Zagreb

here's their famous church...and if you look closely you can see the roof is built of Legos.
This painting was in a very classy museum, but I'm pretty sure this title translated to "Smack that Ass"

Amazing fish from Dubrovnik

Here's a sign warning people to look out for black people because they'll rob you.

Oh, look...I found a black dude.

Just some pics from the Coast...

It's horrible that we live in a world where you constantly have to remind people not to bring hacksaws into your place of business.

This is a very cool town called Motovun built atop a mountain

This is just a picture of me so my family knows I'm doing ok. If you tilt the computer screen you could probably look up my shorts and see that my balls are black and blue.

and now.....KITTENS!!!!!!!!

Blog Idea Clearing Upper post

2009-08-04T09:44:00.000-07:00

Hey, I broke my specialty computer drawing pen yesteday so I'm having a bit of technical difficulty. It's a specialty item and I've really been struggling to locate a shop that sells it in Vienna. No joke, I went to the manufacturers website and found that one shop that carries their product in all of Vienna. KKK Computer Technologies. So the Jew spent his entire morning so far wandering the streets of Vienna asking people where the hell he could find the KKK. I couldn't find the shop, which may be a good thing. Anyway, so I'm just going into the ol' bag of ideas I just never posted. Here are a bunch from my Mont Blanc Trek... Also, If anyone knows anything about opening a breakfast/brunch restaurant in Paris or has about fifty thousand Euros just lying around and can't think of what the hell to do with them...let me know.

•We were staying at a mountain refuge one night during the Mont Blanc hike and had some time to kill between dinner and bed. A few of us decided to play Charades. Paulina, the girl from Moscow, was on a team with this one other girl. The subject was movies, and the title was "Ghostbusters" She was able to figure out the first part "Ghost" with no problem. But after several failed attempts of "busting" down a door for the hint, the girl acting started pointing at her chest with the idea of relating the word "bust." Paulina, not being so familiar with American pop culture, screams out in a confused tone "Oh...um.....Ghost-Boobies? " We all started dying laughing. That would be one hell of a porn.

•Also, It never gets old when the girl from Moscow is hiking extremely fast in front of you, to constantly tell her "Slooow down, you're Russian."

•A women on my hiking trip, who studied at a top school in Massachusetts for several years overheard me talking about Boston and said to me..

"Oh, I looove boston. I have a number of scholarly friends that live there."

"I have a bunch of friends there too," I said, "but mine just get drunk and watch the celtics."

That's What she said's.....yaaayy

It was the last day of the hike...one of the guides Matt, my buddy Andy and myself had fallen to the back of the group. We were only a few hundred yards from the end of the trail and feeling a great comradery after the week. So one of us said..."All three of us should finish at the same time"

I was hiking up a part where the path was a bit narrow. Someone moving a bit quicker than me was trying to pass and they yelled "I'm coming up the rear"

After a break from hiking, we had all put our backpacks on and were ready to keep moving. One of the girls packed all her stuff, but forgot to put her water bottle back. Since it's a pain to take the pack off again, the girl asked someone to put the bottle back for her and suggested a certain pocket...."There's already something in that slot, I'll put it in a different one."

So Fresh and So Clean

2009-08-04T03:56:00.001-07:00

Vienna is known for having the best quality of life out of any major European City. The air feels cleaner, the subways are cleaner..and now I know that even their asses are cleaner. That's because here they have Clever Toilet paper. My entire life I've had that not-so-fresh feeling like my toilet paper just wasn't doing it's job. I never knew I had any more intelligent options.

but now I think it's time I switch over from my old brand...

Viennoooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-01T08:49:00.000-07:00

Kids in Africa think they have it rough with their constant war and their famine and their villages being pillaged and their malaria, and their AIDS, and WAAAAHHHH...well cry me a dysentary infected river. Why don't they trade shoes with me for a day...then they could walk a real mile in hell. The hell of arriving to Vienna only to find out that the god damn National Boys Choir thinks they can just take off performing for the summer. WELL WHAT THE HELL DO I DO IN VIENNA NOW BOYS??? What the hell do I do now? I didn't come all the way to Austria to drink quality beer and potentially bang German speaking women. NO! I came to hear the sweet melodic combination of the soft vocals of teenage boys in unison. I know you probably think I'm joking...but I'm actually a huge closet Boys Choir fan. And if you dont believe me check out my Bucket List that I've carried on me since I was a kid.

Morning Quickies

2009-07-31T01:39:00.000-07:00

hey world... I put up two posts in one day...aren't you lucky...I'm catching a train to Vienna later so I'm very excited. Croatia has been amazing, and I'm going to miss it here, but it's time to move on. So enjoy these few pics and have a great weekend...check back for more on Monday.

this statue was right across the street from my hotel. It was great because if I couldn't find my way home, I could just ask someone how to get to the sculpture of the man leaning against the giant penis.

Ahh the most convenient store in the world..for when you need a Bike...and a Burger.

"Hey, can I get a mountain bike and a cheeseburger."

"No problem, What would you like on that?"

"Rear suspension shocks and pickles."

And here's a sign that obviously translates to "Run Kids!! Run away from the man with the Lollipop!"

POLICE!! FREEZE!! Put down the potassium!

2009-07-31T00:55:00.000-07:00

I've stayed at a hostel the past few nights but yesterday morning I decided to pay for the buffet breakfast at this somewhat nice hotel next door. Assuming it was only breakfast and that it couldn't be that expensive (usual breakfast is like 30 kuna) I just sat down and ate. After I finished, the waitress brought me the bill for 95 kuna! If I knew it was going to be so costly I would have consumed waaay more. Outraged, I decided to get my money's worth. Here is a picture of all the food I could stuff into my backpack without getting caught. There was also a second turkey sandwich, but I swallowed the evidence before this shot was taken. After downloading it I realized it looks very similar to the contraband photos taken after a drug bust, but instead of heroine and semi-automatics...I'm pushing bananas and some very well put together trail mix. I'm like the healthiest dealer in the world and would have probably done 10-12 years if I got caught. I added up the costs of these items, and happily concluded I made a profit off this meal. Plus, you have no idea how much I could get for trail mix with dried cranberries on the street. That's some quality shit. Tough to find in these parts.

psst...want to know a secret?? NO.

2009-07-29T02:25:00.000-07:00

There is a Self-Help book called The Secret. My mom loves it and the whole world apparently fell in love with it. I have never read it but I was with a friend at drinks last night and somehow the book came up. My friend told me she HATES it and that her mom is in love with it as well and really believes in it's philosophy. Basically, the philosophy being that if you really wish for something, it will come to fruition. She mentioned this one example they give in the book that if you envision a parking spot to be available for you when you are trying to park your car then a space will appear. It was hilarious that she used this specific example because this is the one scenario my mother always uses when talking about this absurd book. She then told me she was once with her mom and uncle looking for a parking spot and they truly started envisioning an open space thinking this hocus-pocus actually works. I find it so funny that probably at the same time my mom in New jersey is at Target praying and meditating in her car for a parking spot, that some random Croatian women in a parking lot half way around the world is doing the same. Based on the worldwide popularity of this book, it's pretty much a guarantee that at any moment of any day in the world, in a thousand languages, someone is sitting in a car in a crowded parking lot using The Secret to will themselves a space. And what if there's only one space available and all four cars looking know The Secret? What then? This book is dumb from what i gather. You want to know the secret to finding a parking spot... drive around until you find a spot without a car in it. There's the secret.

And now a picture of the beautiful Plitvice National Park, in Croatia that I visited. Also known as the Land of the Falling Lakes. I wish I could take credit for this photo, but i cant. This was the day right after my injury and my photos didnt do the place justice...I was too preoccupied to worry about shutter speed and lighting...seriously though, look at this place. It's amazing it's on this planet.

The Morning Dubrovnika

2009-07-29T01:51:00.000-07:00

Dead Pet Society

2009-07-26T23:05:00.000-07:00

Right next to the bin where you can recycle paper in Croatia, you can also recycle your pet. People of the world, we need to help protect this environment and not just carelessly chuck our dead pets on the side of the road or into our oceans. It's just too destructive!!!

I saw this poster plastered all along the coast trying to raise awareness to the impact that pet pollution has had along the Adriatic Sea...

Apparently recycled pets are becoming a growing industry in Croatia. "Re-breeders" are on the rise. They can create almost any combination of dog possible using recycled parts. Here is an example of one of the more popular Doberschnauzerdalmationdoodles. A protective breed that's also intelligent and works well in fire emergency situations.

and the less popular Chihuahua Great Dane Mixes

Intrigued by all of this, I made a call to one of Croatia's top Re-Breeders...

"The effects of this earth-friendly breeding method will have a huge impact in the race to reverse global warming since there's less garbage and now the dogs don't release methane gas into the environment. They are also hypo-allergenic and dont shed. You don't have to walk or feed them either. Basically, they are the perfect pet," said Re-Breeder JKDFJKDLJklkd VGYKLLKLKDSLS Jr., "except the part that the pet is dead. "

I also sat down for an interview with Igor Pap, the co-founder and creative mind behind the company 10 LIVES, the brand you think when you think Pet Recycling. "Pet recycling is the way we are going to save the earth." Said Igor. "When plastics are recycled, you can produce industrial equipments, school equipments, golf and tennis equipments, garden furnitures, boxes, playgrounds for kids, homes, spare parts of cars, buckets, and etc.... If these things can be produced with recycled plastics, then why not with recycled pets?"

I could think of several reasons why, but I just let him continue. Igor then proceeded to show me his concept drawings of some of these cutting edge ideas.

Here's his Tennis rack-cat

And here's his favorite concept..."An idea," He says, "the Government could never say no to!"....low income housing made entirely of dogs..

or as his sales pitch goes .... "We'll put a Roof! Roof! over your head!!"

BREAKING NEWS

2009-07-26T10:08:00.001-07:00

the funniest thing is....the next night I was on my way to dinner, this man below stopped me and shook my hand. It took me a few seconds to register it, but he was my Croatian Urologist. He was on his way to dinner with a friend. The first thing I said to him was "I'm surprised you recognized me with my pants on." We all started laughing, then he just went into some follow up questions and reassured me I would be ok and that it would be painful for a while. For the sake of my left boy, I hope he's right.

and walking to dinner was actually becoming very bothersome. The restaurant we were going to was about a 35 minute walk and I didn't think I could handle it...so i enlisted the help of some Locals for a ride to the restaurant. I have to say, the Croatians overall were some of the most friendly people I have met so far.

Ill pop a handi-cap in your head.

2009-07-19T02:56:00.000-07:00

I dont know what the hell this sign is for, but i wouldnt risk taking a handicapped persons parking spot in the town of Dubrovnik...because apparently they are handicapable of shooting your ass.

Not Such a Priority Mail

2009-07-16T04:13:00.001-07:00

As a treat for my little brother William, I have been buying candy from each country I travel to and mailing it home to him. In theory, that past sentence sounds great..the thing Is, I have yet to actually mail him any candy because I always end up eating it. He should have tasted the hazelnut chocolate I bought for him in Switzerland. My god, he would have loved it. But today I made it my priority to send him some classic Croatian chocolate. Because when the world thinks fine quality chocolate, they think Croatia. I'm sure it's delicious. Anyway, I went to the post office and dealt with an extremely friendly women. After going through all the basic questions, we got to my shipping choices...(for reference..Kuna is croatian currency)

"How vud you like to mail dis?" she asked.

"What are my options"

"By ze Plane, for 56 Kunas"

"How long will that take?"

" Zeven to Ten Days"

"What are my cheaper options?"

"Not by ze Plane, for 26 Kunas"

"How Long will that take"

"Many months"

I was dying...hahaha...I don't know what kind of ground postal carriers they have here, but I'm pretty sure they run on carrots. Luckily for William I went with ze Air Mail.

I am on the move again and tonight I am catching a bus to Dubrovnik, to start off my island hopping trip along the Dalmatian Coast. I can't wait...apparently it's one of the most beautiful coasts on earth. I was talking with a Croatian friend I'm meeting up with, who is there now and she told me it's absolutely beautiful. "Except," she said, "all the Italians come over to use our coast, because they made theirs too dirty." She told me there are thousands of short Italians, with their giant gold crosses, sleeveless shirts and tattoos that are the loudest, fastest talking people on earth. "It's like your show the Sopranos, but with bathing suits." ...so basically I travelled half way around the world to go to the Jersey Shore.

My mis-steak.

2009-07-16T04:04:00.001-07:00

I was out to dinner with this Croatian friend and we both ordered the steak. When the meal arrived, they were both served on a combined single platter over a bed of vegetables for us to split. Without hesitation she said "I get the better one." Slightly annoyed, and knowing I was paying the bill, I asked "Why do you get the better one?" "Because I asked for it." She replied. In my head I thought, I didn't remember having the option, obviously I would have asked for the better one too. "You wanted the one with more red." She reminded me. And then I realized she meant 'well done', not 'better', and I replied " Oh, right. You take the better one. I insist."

Mountain Boy

2009-07-16T00:43:00.000-07:00

I was talking with a old friend from college yesterday. She mentioned how different I looked in the pictures from my blog, and how I look more like a mountain man than the eighteen year old boy she met in college that couldn't even pump his own gas. I would have loved to accept that compliment, except I could never be a mountain man. For one, the gray pants in the picture she was referencing cost me over $200.00 from G-star and are not really for camping, but give that 'look'. Secondly, mountain men have chest hair and the abilitly to grow full beards. I've seen six year boys from India with thicker moustaches than mine. I have the ability to grow A chest hair, and what grows on my face could never be defined as a beard. I am also a little girl when it comes to anything medical, and would freak out if I was in the forest and something horrific happened to me involving some ferocious man eating animal, or deadly snake, or a bee sting. Two days ago sitting in a nice posh park in the city, I was just lying on the grass when a bee stung my my finger. My finger barely swelled up at all, and I know I'm not allergic, but my immediate reaction was not to remain calm, but to freak out and assume I was going to die. The events that followed included me walking to the first pharmacy I could find with my hand held waaaay above me head which I thought would keep the deadly venom from reaching my heart. None of this makes actual medical sense. For blocks, I looked like an idiot attempting to hail a taxi on a street no cars were allowed down. At the Pharmacy, a fragile old lady was working the counter that spoke zero english. I tried to explain I was stung by a bee, but to no avail. She kept saying something that sounded like muskeedoo...and I said "No.", then buzzed several times for her as if we were playing insect charades. Eventually I drew a bee for her with my free hand. First, she was impressed by the skill of my drawing, held up the paper for her colleague to see, then gave me a look as to say "Very nice, I will put this on my fridge when I get home." I kindly reminded her of my grave situation, and she then grabbed a giant magnifying glass from a drawer. It looked like something you would find in a joke prop box. Next, she wrapped her frail fingers around my wrist somehow with the strength of ten men, yanked it towards her, then showed me that the stinger was out, so I would be ok. She then sold me a topical ointment that could have been Vagisil for all I knew, and I applied it to the wound. Everything was ok, but the next day my finger started itching worse than I've ever felt. I immediately bypassed my new tube of possible feminine itch relief ointment and went straight for some good ol' fashion Benadryl cream. After about ten minutes, my entire finger started swelling up to about two times it's normal size. I looked online and read the that worst thing I could have done was applied Benadryl. I FREAKED OUT, and decided I needed some solid medical advice, so I frantically emailed my older brother remembering his wife is a doctor. Here was the email correspondance. Just understand I actually thought i might lose my finger or my life during these scary moments on what shall forever be known as July 14th, B-Day.

and just to be cautious, I went on WEBMD and looked at ways to avoid Bee Stings. These are the actual tips...look at the highlighted one

I thought the word "molest" was just being used in different sense, and that people were not actually that sick or stupid.. but then I saw the accompanying photo.

1 is the loneliest number

2009-07-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

What's more rare than a Black guy in Zagreb, Croatia? Nothing. I've been here almost a week and I can count the number of black people I've seen on my penis. I asked a few of my new local friends and it turns out that's because there is only one black person in all of Croatia. I didn't believe it, but then I was looking through my TIMEOUT Zagreb tourist magazine and saw that this guy was listed as one of Croatia's Must See attractions right between Plitvice Lakes National Park and the Famous Opera House. If you look, it just says Dwayne.

I even did a search on www.tripadvisor.com and found loads of message boards about it.

Croa-codile

2009-07-13T15:47:00.000-07:00

This was the actual conversation my mother and I had on the phone after mentioning I was going out to dinner with some Croations I met.

Mom: " You're hanging out with Croations now. What is a Croation anyway?"

Ross: " They're half human-half amphibian mom. What kind of question is that?"

Mom: " I mean do they speak English?"

Ross: " No, I just communicate with them using a series of blinks"

Mom: " Fine whatever, I'm putting your brother on the phone."

I'd like to buy a whole lot of vowels

2009-07-12T23:26:00.000-07:00

When I travel to a new country I make a strong attempt to learn the local language. Not fluently, but just enough to get by and to show respect. But when I arrived in Croatia and saw their native tounge, I just said fuck it. I mean, serioulsly, look at these words.

I don't know what the heck an OSOBLJE is, but I'm sure as hell not going that way to find out. These are not words people!!! It's like the language was created by a guy who just vomited a bunch of consonants and then gave them meaning. Vocabulary this confusing should never be used in public situations, only in highly advanced medical procedures...

"Mr. Harris, we just got your test results back. Not good. It turns out you have a malignant TRGOVACKI located below your PJESACKOM and you'll need to have a multiple DIOPTRIJSKIH to remove it immediately.

Last night I was out with a new Croatian friend, and I asked her if she'd ever played Scrabble. She's actually never heard of it. I was shocked, so I made a phone call to Hasbro, the company that produces the game. Turns out they attempted to bring Scrabble to the market in Croatia, but the research groups were a disaster. Apparently there was no challenge for the Croatians. No matter what combination of seven letter tiles they pulled out, in no matter what order they were arranged...they always made a word.

Just for fun, the Hasbro staff filled the bag with all Z tiles, one Q and a handmade Smiley face tile and the Croatians were still able to come up with 342 variations of words, all with happy meanings.

Then to test the limits of this ridiculous language, they filled the velvet scrabble bag with just two V's , a mini Krackel bar, and a 1973 Topps Mike Schmidt Rookie card with near mint condition edges, and still, the Croatians were able to make it work.

apparently Mike Schmidt V V Krackel means : "to hibernate"

Mind if I sit down?

2009-07-10T01:50:00.000-07:00

My childhood hero growing up was this basketball player named Drazen Petrovich. He was the first European player in the NBA. Petrovich finished off his short career with New Jersey Nets after sadly losing his life in a car accident at 28. He is Croatia's biggest hero so they have a museum for him. I went to it today, and I couldn't believe it, but a graphic I did for AND 1 basketball was in the museum. It was sooo cool. They let me see the museum for free and everything. I was giddy. Luckily, the women gave me a personal tour of the museum (not because I was special, but because I was the only one there.) I was bouncing around the room like a child asking questions about everything....

Me: "What's that trophy for?" I asked

Guide : "That's from Drazen's first European League Championship win."

Me: "Amazing. What about those sneakers???? What game are they from?? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!!"

Guide: " Those are from the game he played against the USA Dream Team in the finals at the Barcelona Olympics."

Me: "What about those chairs??? What stadium are they from??"

Guide: "Those are for the museum visitors to sit on if they get tired."

Me: "Oh."

Just some pics

2009-07-09T12:00:00.000-07:00

Hey. It's me. I'm in Zehbreg. That's in Croatia. I got in at four this morning after a seventeen hour train ride with connections from France. I keep hearing this huge city wide alarm ringing throughout town, but I'm too tired to move so I'm convincing myself it's just a giant Ice Cream truck. If anyone hears anything about another war in Croatia, let me know. I wanted to come up with some hilarious clever way to display my photos from the hike, but due to my lack of sleep, i'm going to make this as unfunny and boring as possible..so here we go.

Mountains.

Beginning of hike.

Waterfall

Coldest water ever. But soo fun.

Brokeback Mountain....jk, that's me and my roomate Andy. Don't worry mom, I know you can't make grandchildren like this.

Sleeping arrangements. Notice the lack of seperation. 8 people on top. 8 on the bottom. I couldn't take the snoring so I ended up sleeping on the floor of the dining hall.

Water fountain.

Hiking into the clouds

Chair. Horse. Mountain. WTF?

Crossing the border from Italy to Switzerland with the guide Matt. My new best friend.

Orange Slug.

and now for some woofys!!!!

and now some kids..

and a flower..gnight.

I'm Baaaccckk

2009-07-07T07:01:00.000-07:00

Never did I think a twenty four hour period of my life would consist of hiking into Switzerland from Italy, having a watermelon catch with an old Swiss man in a supermarket in Montraux, then unexpectedly sitting face to face with Dave Matthews at his concert at the worlds largest Jazz festival with a new Russian friend from Moscow. But I guess those are the joys of traveling. I am sitting in a Japanese restaurant back in Chomonix, France. Last night I finished the Mont Blanc trail which was INCREDIBLE...one of the most insane things I've ever done. The trek was extremely difficult and I am exhausted both physically and mentally, but the whole trip was so much more than I ever could have imagined. I have a number of great stories and my head is spinning trying to figure out what to talk about, so I'm just going to start posting. Without further ado...here are a few scenic pictures for now along with some basic instructions so you too can have a watermelon catch in a supermarket with an elderly Swiss man.

and now...HOW TO HAVE A WATERMELON CATCH WITH AN ELDERLY SWISS MAN.

Step 1. Locate an elderly Swiss man.

Step 2. Locate a watermelon

Step 3. Toss the watermelon and pray the old man can actually catch

Au Revoire Paris

2009-06-25T23:24:00.000-07:00

I apologize in advance for this long winded blog with the lack of funny pictures or hilarious jokes about bowel movements. If i can think of an impromptu that's what she said, I'll try and squeeze it in there...too easy. I am leaving Paris. I am going to miss this place, but I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about the next part of my trip. So let me begin. I am taking the sleeper train tonight to Chamonix, France. Tomorrow I meet up with my group for 12 days of trekking through the Alps. We cross over into Switzerland, then Italy and eventually back to France. Below is the map of the trail.

I'm soo excited because it's the type of place you need to be evacuated by Helicopter if god for bid there is an emergency. You have to confirm with your insurance company if they cover Emergency Helicopter Evacuation, (EHE) which I still have to do. So if anyone from Aetna Health Care is reading this and wants to make my life easier, just leave a note in the comment section if EHE is covered in my plan. Thanks. Luckily after speaking with the Adventure Company I'm using, I found out I can buy a plan through them for only $50.00. I was relieved because of the peace of mind. But I was even more excited by this news because I looked into the cost of getting a scenic helicopter tour while I was in Chamonix anyway and it costs 150.00 Euro. So what this means is, on like the last day of the trip, if I just fake collapse, then I can get that helicopter ride I couldn't afford for more than $100.00 cheaper. Plus the in flight services probably include a bottle of water and snacks, oxygen, and some other unexpected things. On the expensive non-Medi-Vac tours, you have to bring your own refreshments.

I won't be posting anything for the next 12 days so mark your calenders and check back in a few weeks. So, I have pages and pages of journal entries about all the wonderful people I met and things I encountered and all that...but below are just a couple of quick notes I had written down. Some involving bad jokes I made and just other things I noticed about being in Paris. Enjoy...

It's amazing that two people from half way around the world, who have never met, and barely speak the same language, can perfectly in synch, sing the song "smelly cat, smelly cat" from Friends.

Chinese people that speak French still sound like they're speaking Chinese

Asking a French person if their car comes with baguette holders is never a funny joke.

This is also not funny, at least it was not to the audience of one I performed it to. When I took a train back one night after bike riding, there was a girl that started talking to me. We got into a good converstaion and were both headed to Paris, so we decided to share a cabin on the train. I had my bike with me, so we found a special cabin where I could sit with it. She said, "this is nice that we get a whole ride to talk." After I rested my bike against the wall, I replied "yeah, but don't expect my bike to say much, it was a long day of riding and he's just "two tired". I thought I was hilarious.

Telling the ticket agent at the Claude Monet Museum that you are giving her Money for Monet is not funnet.

The amount of times you can bring a used Starbucks coffee cup into the same Starbucks to sit there and work before being questioned if you've purchased something that day is three times.

Thanks for reading. Talk to you guys soon

Au Revoir

-Ross

Good times

2009-06-24T16:27:00.001-07:00

I'm leaving Paris and heading out to begin the next part of my trip this weekend. So I'm trying to post all the things I wanted to before I fall too far behind. But it's been extremely difficult for me to find the time between working no jobs and all those damn night classes for nursing school I'm not taking. A few posts back I talked about the food I ate during my Grand Canyon trip. I know you were all probably wide awake each night thinking, "All that food went in, didn't it have to come out?" We'll I'm glad you asked. You probably thought, oh the Grand Canyon is enormous, there are tons of places one could just squat. Well, you're right, there are. But to keep the place sanitary, they make you go during the day in this thing (see below) And then after you go #2...you have to hold in your #1 and ruuuunnnn to the river to pee. It's pure insanity, but eventually it just becomes second nature. It would have been funny if when I returned to New York I was so accustomed to my new bathroom habits that I forgot to go back to the normal way. I could see the headline in the Daily News "Local Man Spotted Waddling Urgently to East River with Pants Around His Ankles. "

Here is the "day tripper" filled with cat litter.

This was the lead guide Nick showing us how to use this thing. Step 1. Roll up sleeves. If you do not have sleeves, proceed directly to step 2.

Step 2. Squat. And then you get the idea.

And here was the other makeshift toilet. Not the best looking bathroom I've ever seen....

but it had one hell of a view.

P for two please.

2009-06-23T23:47:00.000-07:00

Why are these ladies laughing uncontrollably you ask? That is because they just witnessed the most chivalrous act ever to be performed in front of a castle. I had just reached one of Frances many castles in the countryside by bike, and I had to pee very badly. I found a pay toilette, which are common in France. This facility was being guarded by two women taking the 40 cent toll money. I fumbled around in my pocket for some change while a lady next to me was rummaging through her purse in search of her own money so that she could urinate. I found a shiny Euro, handed it to the two women at the counter accepting the money. I then tapped the girl on the shoulder who was still frantically searching, pointed towards my one Euro and said " This one's on me." Confused and possibly a bit scared, she said "Merci" then headed into the women's room for her free pee. I was quite proud of my knightly deed. The two women at the counter barely spoke english, but obviously understood the gesture and would not stop laughing. Even after I finished tinkling (im running out of pee terms) they were still cracking up. So I took some pics, then walked away knowing my mother would be proud of the man she raised. Either that, or fully weirded out and in complete question of her parenting skills.

I believe in karma, and my god did it pay off quickly. At the end of the day I was waiting for a train back to Paris. Again, I had the need to go really badly due to my excessive water intake during my bike ride. And again, at the station there were only pay toilettes. So I'm crouched over my backpack, with my legs crossed to subdue the urge, unable to find exact change since that's what you need to pay for the toilette. This old lady comes over to use the restroom, pays and does her thing. As she's leaving she notices my distress. Generously she keeps the door open and waves me in, all while looking around suspiciously for any Police as if this were Canal Street in New York and she had a bathroom full of knock-off Gucci purses. I couldn't believe my luck! I had to go so bad that at this moment I didn't care that this was probably a federal crime. I felt ok about breaking this stupid law of paying to go. But thank god we didn't get caught. I couldn't imagine that phone call home to my parents from prison. "Yeah, Hi mom. I was arrested. Why? Because an old lady waved me into the bathroom at the train station and I accepted. I couldn't help myself. I knew it was illegal, but I didn't feel bad about it because it was a gift from God mom, Karma I tell you... See earlier in the day i paid for a girl to pee. NO! Not in a sexual manor...Just listen..." But before I could explain myself, I picture my Dad being like, "what did he do now?" And she's frantically screaming..."YOUR son got caught having SEX with an ELDERLY PROSTITUTE in a train station bathroom outside of Paris. And for some reason he thought it was OK since earlier in the day he PAID for a girl to PEE on him. It makes no sense. I don't know. He's mumbling something about Karma and god. I think he's in a religious sex cult. What did i do wrong? Can you please just go on Priceline.com and pick him up.

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-22T05:23:00.000-07:00

I've been the victim of identity theft in the past, so there is a high alert on all of my credit and checking cards. Intelligently, before I left on my trip, I didn't inform any of my banks. So it was no surprise when the company I rented my Paris apartment from wasn't able to charge my account and threatened to evict me. I immediately called my bank and was transferred to an extremely helpful person in the Fraud Department. After all the basic security measures, he said he would grant access to the overseas charges in France. He then asked me how long I would be away and where else I planned on traveling during this trip.

"Berlin, Japan, Israel and maybe a few other places." I replied

" Ok." he said "Can you please just call us when you get there so we'll know"

" OK, fine DAD." I said acting slightly juvenile.

Luckily he laughed.

Burying My Dreams

2009-06-18T23:38:00.000-07:00

DAMN!!! I'm soooo freeking mad this morning. My entire life I have had the MOST incredible business Idea ever. EVER. What I was going to do was collect five million skeletons, dig out a massive underground tunnel way below the earth, then bury the skulls and bones in an intricate pattern formation along the walls. Then I was going to charge people to visit, and I would be rich!...But FUCK!!!, somebody already thought of it. This place is called the Catacombs. It was created in the seventeenth century when Paris' largest cemetery was over crowded to the point where it's neighbors were suffering from diseases, due to contamination caused by improper burials, open mass graves, and earth charged with decomposing organic matter. They were built in abandoned quarries within city limits. This place was just freaky.

There was a section where they talked about the individuals involved with the safety of the Catacombs...One of the important people was Charles-Axel Guillaumont...what a job title huh...

bust most people just referred to him as the GCAIICRFVAROPQ for short...

Here was one of several pillars built with skulls and bones. And if you look to the left, there is one of the employees who works there all day.

I'm still so mad about this...I put so much time into what I imagined was an original idea. I even had an extremely well thought out napkin business plan for my skull tunnels and everything.

This is more upsetting then when I discovered somebody already invented the Floaster..."the world's first waterproof floating toaster for the pool".. So you didn't have to get out, dry off, then go inside every time you wanted toast.

Badlands and Shortcomings...

2009-06-17T12:29:00.000-07:00

I have to leave my apartment tomorrow morning and move to a different part of the city. I have fallen in love with Paris and especially the area I'm located in, so I'm a bit sad. I was clueless about this city before arriving, but based on recommendations from friends I decided to live in a district called the Latin Quarter. When I told one of my friends, who shall remain nameless, she said "That sounds really dangerous, are you sure you want to live there" "Really?" Why I asked. But before I could even finish my question, she cut me off and said..."OH, wait, never mind, my brain registered Latino Quarter. Haha..oops." Luckily, so far the area has been great and relatively Latino free. jk. I also chose not to stay in the Scary Black People District and on Blvd de Arabs Against Jews , even though I heard the nightlife is a blast. Oh, that was bad. And now for the real humor of the morning...I present you with a guy standing in front of a sign he shouldn't be standing in front of.

Dead Beat Brother

2009-06-16T05:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday during dinner a girl started talking to me (obviously.) We were having a decent conversation, and she mentioned how she was headed to parts of South East Asia for 3 months to help at a hospital. I thought it was an incredible thing to do, and since we were talking about charity work I just happened to mention the Big Brother Program I am involved in. For those not familiar, the basics of the program are that every other weekend I hang out with my "little" brother William that I was paired up with through the organization. He doesn't have a father figure in his life, so I spend time with him and teach him how to be a man, I guess. So I showed her a picture of William that I carry in my wallet for such occasions. Her english was not that great and I was having trouble correctly explaining what the hell I was talking about and who the hell this kid was. She was wondering why I was traveling for so long if he was in the U.S. and who looks after him. I'm 100% sure she thinks I somehow fathered a fourteen year old black child that I only see for a few hours twice a month. I don't think I'll be hearing from her.

Stephen King of the Jungle

2009-06-15T06:05:00.000-07:00

On the train the other day there was a women seated aross from me scribbling away, page after page after page in a notebook. I could only assume she was a writer, so I asked. Her english was near perfect, and it turns out she was. Whenever I casually meet someone who is a novelist, for whatever reason, I have an interest in reading their work. I asked if she had been published, and if so where I could find her work. "Absolutely." she said quite proudly. The woman proceeded to write down the titles of her books in my journal. Here is a scanned image of what she wrote. I can't make this stuff up.

First of all, I'm a grown man, wouldn't you assume she would just tell me they are picture books?? I mean i'm sure these are both gripping page turners that will have me on the edge of my seat. Oh my god! What animal is next? I can't put this book down. Never saw a kangeroo coming. What suspsense. Secondly, I understand the concept behind a baby animals of Sydney Australia book. But The next best place you can think to do a book about animals is on New Jersey? Are you kidding me?? The only thing I could think is that she went to the Wild Safari at Six Flags Great Adventure one day and didn't realize that the Siberian Tiger and the East African Crane are not actually native species to New Jersey. Here's what I think a realistic page from a children's book about the animals found in my home state might look like....

the end.

Happy days

2009-06-14T16:45:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing I've learned from being in Paris for a month it's that if a place has the word "Happy" in the name, go there. But it took some trial and error before coming to this conclusion. Here's a look back at a few of my choices, both good and bad.

I was a big fan of the Young & Happy bar. As you can see below, the clientele was young and happy just as advertised.

It was a much better time compared to the night I spent drinking at the bar directly across the street...

Still, you should have seen that old lady throw back beers. Amazing. Anyway, I also grabbed a scrumptious bite to eat at the Happy Sandwich. Which fully lived up to it's name.

But not before making the mistake of ordering a sandwich from the deli next door. The prices were better, but everything had a bitter taste. I should have known you get what you pay for. Live and learn.

Here's the before photo of that meal...I kind of left this one alone.

Keep Out

2009-06-12T10:24:00.000-07:00

I was in the Pere Lachaise Cemetery, one of the most famous in the world. What was more upsetting then being around a bunch of dead people was this sign prohibiting owners from bringing their obviously gay dogs into the grave yard. I think it's extremely rude to be so biased towards a dog just based on it's sexual preferences. But I wasn't shocked to see this sign based on the frequency of other places around Paris that do not permit gay animals.

As you can see below, Gay Hippos are not allowed within 500 meters of the Eiffel Tower.

Translation: STAY BACK GAY HIPPO!

Here was a sign right before the entrance to the famous Musee de Louvre

Translation: Cameras, Beverages and Homosexual Giraffes are strictly prohibited from entering the museum.

And I was shocked to see the Government even went to the extremes of preventing animals that are confused about their sexuality from visiting some of the cities most cherished landmarks. This was posted boldly a few feet from the Arch de Triumph

Translation: No Monkeys Swinging Both Ways Underneath the Arc de Triumph

The Grandest things you'll ever see

2009-06-12T00:41:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to a bar by my apartment called Wide Open Spaces. It's more or less a "home away from home" for English speaking people. The wait staff is French, but they all speak fluent English. The bartender Vincent and I got into a conversation about my travels. It turns out he's twenty nine, a graphic artist, and in three weeks he's headed off on a trip around the world. Part of his journey is going from the West to East coasts of the United states. He's big into the outdoors as well and asked if there's anything I would recommend. About a year ago my brother Todd and I went to this mountain range that's part of the Rockies which I tell everyone to go see. So I said "You must go to the Grand Tetons, in Wyoming. They're most beautiful things you will ever see." Vincent just started laughing uncontrollably. I asked why. "The way that translates in French, he said "You just told me I must go see the Giant Nipples of Wyoming. These my friend, I will definitely go see."

Giverny

2009-06-11T12:55:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I spent the day in a small town outside of Paris called Giveryn. Giverny is the home town of Claude Monet, who is my favorite artist, besides myself. I was able to visit his home and a number of places where he referenced several of his most famous works. The one photo below of the lily pads is an example of that. Giverny also has a ton of great bike trails that I got to ride which had incredible views of the entire city. I also had an amazing food day as you can see from the pics. I had two lunches since I am a big boy.

The Very Brief History of Paris

2009-06-10T07:21:00.001-07:00

I always buy my travel guides from a company called EYEWITNESS TRAVEL. They are easy to use, well layed out and always full of detailed information. There is also a timeline on the history of each place. But I have to admit for the first time I am a bit disappointed in their effort. The whole timeline is just very vague. This is a section of the actual timeline. Take a closer look.1010-22 Christians burn Jews and Heretics (very kindly stated as if they were a dish the Christians overcooked)...then it goes straight to 1167, Les Halles Food market...Nothing else happened in 100 years? And the next most important thing is a grocery? I haven't seen the EYEWITNESS TRAVEL guides timeline highlighting all the important points of history in the United States, but I'm guessing it may look something like this....
Also, there was a mention of France's first Fire Department with a picture of a French Fireman. What a uniform. It's always good to go running into a burning building with a flammable puff on your head. And as you can see, they used to fight fires with rifles which makes absolutely no sense.

Luckily, I was able to find a picture of one of France's first hunters proudly standing over his kill after hosing it to death.

How to date a French Pirate

2009-06-09T01:32:00.000-07:00

I know I've mentioned that learning French is extremely difficult. Based on on the number of grammatical errors in my blog, you can see I'm still struggling with English. I have so many fun stories from my impromptu lessons with Romain and Emilie. Here was Romain's response after I inquired as to how I would go about complimenting a girls eyes.

"Ok, to learn to compliment the eyes is tricky. The word for one eye is completely different then for "eyes", you not just add an "s." But you don't need to waste your time learning the word for one eye, it's not necessary. Save your head. For besides most girls in France have two eyes anyway. And if she has only one eye, you might not want to draw attention to it"

Well said. And just to further illustrate the level of my stupidity when it comes to grammar, I have included a screen shot of an email correspondence between myself and Emilie. As you can see from the evidence below, in my attempt to tell a girl not to apologize for her poor english, I misspelled the word "apologize." I actually wasn't even close. I'm surprised I knew it started with an "a." I blame the schools.

Ross Weekly

2009-06-08T12:08:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone, I've got some great fake news! A publisher has contacted me about starting a weekly entertainment style magazine about my travels. Below is sneak preview of the fashion section. Let me know what you think, and make sure you look for it on shelves no where soon!

French toast with a side order of Intellectual Humor

2009-06-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHAHA! The Museum of Poop...haha...I went to this museum and it stinks! And look how happy the kids on the sign are. Oh man, anyway, this ones for you Todd.

Excerpts from my journal

2009-06-05T12:22:00.000-07:00

Below are a few excerpts from my attempt at writing a travel journal. I think it's going to be a combo of the bits from my blog and my writing. I have pages of this crap, so if anyone is a publisher...shoot me an email. They are in no order, but these two are both related to my attempts to learn French. I wen't with the background style of a cafe on a side street to really set the mood. Let me know what you think, if I have potential, or if i shouldn't quit my day job just yet. Oh, wait, too late.

Taste of Adventure

2009-06-05T07:41:00.000-07:00

I think like most men in the world, my three favorite things in life are sex, great food and penguins. Heading into the Grand Canyon I was pretty sure I wasn't going to experience any of these three things. I was completely ok with not having sex during my Grand Canyon Adventure. I have gone through way longer stretches in my life than a few weeks without sex (i.e high school.) As for the penguins, I have to admit, even though I knew there wouldn't be any, I'm always slightly disappointed anywhere I go in life when I don't see penguins. The supermarket, movies, sporting events, temple. I always have my eye out for penguins. God I love them. And lastly, great food. I couldn't imagine there would be tasty food on this trip. I pictured roughing it in the Canyon with some beef jerky and packets of dehydrated beets. But, man, I have never been more wrong about anything in my entire life. Well, with the exception of my ex-Fiance and our life together. I slightly miscalculated that one. The food on this trip was unreal. And I took pictures of every meal to prove it. You may think to yourself, didn't people think you were weird taking before and after pictures of every meal you ate? And the answer to that is, Yes. Although you can't taste the food through photos, I think based on the looks of these pictures alone, you can tell how delicious they were. They bring food for two weeks for 24 people in just a few boats and supply rafts. The ice cold temperatures of the river are used as a refrigeration system. It's actually very clever and probably not what i would have thought of if i was involved with that brainstorming session. Bon Apetit.

It's PARTY/STUDY time!!

2009-06-04T15:30:00.000-07:00

Someone in Paris needs to explain to me how a government business model was passed allowing the Public Library and the Discoteque to be located in the same exact place. The combination just doesn't seem too well thought out and potentially damaging to the encouragement of quality studying habits for students. I couldn't believe this sign was accurate, but then I went downstairs and took some pictures.

I wonder if the way to measure and regulate the level of sound in the library/discoteque is done with a ....oh man..wait for it...

...a Dewey "Decibel" System. HAHAHAHAH....

Ok, that was bad. But clever, no? Anyway, I walked around Paris and found a couple other Office-share combinations that also appeared to show a poor lack of judgement.

(check out a close up of that Jewish Star icon---pretty clever design)

Taxi Cab Confessions

2009-06-04T04:52:00.000-07:00

I went out in Paris last night with some new friends. After a fun night, I attempted to take the metro home, but made it there too late since it shuts down at 1 am. The area where we met up happens to be right next to the Moulin Rouge. It's a a very seedy area, especially if you dont know it, similar to how 42nd street used to be. Sex Shops, Prostitutes, etc. Instead of walking, I decided to take a taxi. I hailed a cab, then after giving my destination, proceeded to make small talk with the cabbie who spoke english very well. For no reason at all, the driver asked if I made good money in New York. I obvisouly told him no, which even if i did, i would tell him no. He said that if i did, he could get me a good women for the night. But since i don't make much, and because he likes me, he will see if he could get me one for free. So at the next red light he started speaking French to a lady on a Vespa next to us. She looked slightly pissed, but had this smirk as if she should be offended by what my driver was saying, but it was too funny not too laugh. He told me to roll down my window and wave, so I did because the whole situation was quite comical. She shook her head at me almost sensing i had no idea what was said to her. After we drove off, i asked my cabbie what he said and he replied " I told her you are a visitor from New York and you do not know your way around a Paris women. I asked her if she could give you a tour." I tipped him well.

One Stop Shopping

2009-06-02T12:36:00.000-07:00

Don't you just hate those days when you're like, "dammit I'm menstruating, AND my printer is out of ink." Then you have to go to two different stores to solve two different problems. Not anymore. Office Depot Paris has you covered.

C'est qu'elle a dit- (That's what she said) Paris Edition

2009-06-02T10:31:00.000-07:00

I was worried since I don't understand French that my "That's what she said" material would be tough to come across. Luckily for me, and especially for you, my fans, I was able to snap a few photos in Paris that speak for themselves. So let us take a walk together down the halls of the Musee de That's What She Said. One of Paris's finest collections.

Suiting up

2009-06-01T03:01:00.000-07:00

Since I've been in Paris I've noticed a few things I find odd about the French. They are very well dressed, which is fine. But, I've noticed a number of people exercising in nice clothes. They run in khakis and button downs. Not everyone, but enough to make me wonder. The photo above is an actual picture I took of a guy running in the Jardin De Luxemborg(their version of central park). He had his Polo collar up, which I could only assume was to create added wind resistance as some form of resistance training. (either that or he's just a tool.) After doing some research, I discovered that some of the best athletes in French History have been well dressed, so it only makes sense the everyday athlete would want to mimic their sports heroes. Below is a brief history I put together for you of some of the more notable names. Enjoy.

The Loire Valley, France

2009-05-31T17:17:00.000-07:00

This weekend I rented a bicycle and rode around the Loire Valley. I spent Saturday and Sunday in the town Blois(blue-ahh) home to the Chateau Chambord. I didn't take any pictures worthy of it's grand appearance, so google it fools. The place is unreal. I'm typing up my journal, but here is a collection of some photos I took to just show the beauty of the French country side.

A Foreign Language Worth Learning

2009-05-31T15:01:00.000-07:00

My brother and a number of my friends are in Finance. Every time I hang out with them it's only a matter of time before they start talking about the stock market and doing math( and a number of other things I can't comprehend.) They start saying things like the SGT was down but the TVA is up so that's good. I'm just lost. So when I saw this ad in the Paris Metro advertising a class that won't just teach you English, but Wall Street English, I went straight to their website to get more info...

Some entries from my journal and photos

2009-05-28T13:42:00.000-07:00

Here are two quick entries from my journal. I didn't change anything as to give you an authentic look into my mind. The video stills at the bottom correspond with the rapid I describe in the second entry. The Snickers bar in the photo below corresponds with the Snickers bar I describe in the first entry. I'm pretty sure that part was self explanatory. I showed an enlarged photo for proof that it was in fact a Snickers Ice Cream bar because that just makes it that much more amazing.

Morning Interviews

2009-05-28T03:29:00.000-07:00

New meaning for the word "INFANTRY"

2009-05-27T12:13:00.000-07:00

I saw this ad soliciting what apparently is a guy who will Guard your infant. I assumed he's like a babysitter, just way more bad ass. I called Francoise to find out and he emailed me a reference photo. Turns out him and his brother are retired French Guard and they run this business. Just thought I'd share the pic with you.

Grand Canyon-Plant life

2009-05-27T10:22:00.000-07:00

Here are some pics of the plant life in the Canyon. It's amazing when you see such vivid colors set against the overall brown and red hues of the canyon walls.

GRAND CANYON--Colorado River Rafting

2009-05-27T10:16:00.001-07:00

Two weeks ago I headed down to the Grand Canyon for the first part of my journey. It was about 7 nights of camping and white water rafting down the Colorado River. It was easily the greatest things I've ever done in my life. ( well, second best thing...that's right girl, you know who you are ;) Below are some pics from the trip. No photo could ever capture the beauty of this place. It was just incredible.

SPECIAL REPORT

2009-05-26T15:00:00.001-07:00

Leprechauns Everywhere

2009-05-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

When I reached the gate for Aer Lingus(Irelands airline) for my connecting flight from JFK to Dublin to Paris, all I could think was... I cant believe how Irish the Irish look. I've never been surrounded by true Irish people, only friends from Boston in Celtics Jerseys. Below is an actual photo of the line.

Sign of the Times

2009-05-25T15:05:00.000-07:00

My hotel in Flagstaff, AZ was located right next to the very classy McCracken Place. Home to McCracken Realty. Also home to the Arizona Department of Economic Security. You know your state is struggling financially when your Economic Security Department's main offices are located in McCracken place. No positive statement about any situation in life could ever end with the words "and it all happened at McCracken Place."

PARIS HOOPS

2009-05-25T13:15:00.000-07:00

One of the projects I eventually want to put together will be a collection of basketball hoops from around the world. Sometimes you find a court when you least expect it with the most surreal background. I came across this one on my way to the Eiffel tower. The court was basically just sand. I love how that one hoop is so camouflaged. I was very happy with how these pics came out. Enjoy

Some memorable "That's What She Said" quotes from my camping trip in the Grand Canyon.

2009-05-24T16:39:00.000-07:00